Make Friends with Discipline
by Mary Hayes Grieco

Happiness is a matter of personal discipline. Happiness is a stance that I choose, and I must build it and reinforce it on a daily basis whether I am in the mood to do it or not. If I don't practice the disciplines that produce happiness, my consciousness soon becomes as sordid and fearful as a bad movie. Who needs that if you have a choice?

Many people are allergic to the term "discipline," perhaps because it is falsely associated with another word---punishment. This is understandable, since many of us were abused as children in the name of discipline. But in truth, the practice of personal discipline is an act of self-love. It is the way we turn our backs on a long bleak history of abandonment and come home to ourselves. Making friends with discipline is one of the best things we can do for ourselves.

What is discipline? Here's my definition: "Discipline is a set of attitudes and behaviors that I choose and practice with persistence to produce long-term health and happiness---whether or not I feel happy about doing it in the short term." A recovering alcoholic employs discipline to get to an A.A. meeting even though she doesn't feel like it. A parent who was abused as a child halts his knee-jerk response to hit his rebellious kid, even though he really wants to. We may need to turn to self-discipline because our lives have become unmanageable in some way, but discipline will become our lifelong companion if we are serious about self-mastery.

Self mastery will come to us as a result of becoming disciplined on all levels of the personality---physical, emotional, and mental. On the physical level, this is establishing good health habits, being financially responsible, keeping beauty and order in our environment, and walking in balance with the natural world. On the emotional level it is handling feelings appropriately. We need to know how and when to feel, share, and release emotions, as well as when to detach from excessive sensitivity and emotionality. On the mental level, it is our responsibility to uproot negative conditioned beliefs in our minds and cultivate a positive, self-chosen world view.

Ultimately, we are meant to be the masters of our minds and not the servants--to focus our thoughts or be silent at will. This is the goal of the discipline of meditation. As we make progress with disciplines on different levels, our personalities become clean and luminous for the inner Spirit to shine through. We can operate with more and more love and power for the well-being of everyone. This is a long-term project, but I can't think of a better way to live a life.

It is usually obvious what area of life is calling for self-discipline. We feel out of control, frustrated, and ashamed. Or maybe we are in denial of the problem but we are getting consistent feedback from others that our lack of self-control is problematic for them. We are asked to make a change that feels unnatural to us. In his classic book, The Road Less Traveled, M. Scott Peck describes discipline as an "unnatural" act. It is certainly a radical act of the spiritual will. We make a commitment to an upward trend in our life and choose new attitudes and behaviors.

At first it feels like pushing a boulder uphill. Progress is infinitesimal or erratic for a while, but this is deceptive---a lot of growth is going on underground. It is better to make some small real changes than to make a big, heroic, noisy effort for several days and then completely forget about our commitment and backslide. That adds to our hopelessness about our ability to change.

It works best to practice a new discipline without being attached to immediate results. We will make incremental progress and leave crisis behind. If we persist in the effort we begin to stabilize, and gain glimpses of health and mastery in this part of our lives. It is common at this point to want the"reward" of relaxing your discipline---and then comes the backslide! The painful fact remains that we must follow persistence with more persistence and vigilance. The old patterns of behavior have long, tough roots into our being, and many years of dominance. But if we continue to do what is good for us whether we feel like it or not, we build an utterly new foundation for the rest of our lives. There is a power in repetition that eventually re-aligns the patterns in our unconscious and allows us to become a different creature than we used to be.

My ongoing struggle with discipline has to do with my difficulty in working in a steady, organized, and focused way. I grew up in alcoholic chaos, so this is a real dragon for me. I tend to go to extremes, working too much or too little, and the sight of a pile of papers to file elicits emotions of hopelessness and feeling completely overwhelmed! But the beat goes on---my past successes assure me that I can indeed become more steady despite my old conditioning. A few years from now I hope it will seem natural to be fairly steady and orderly --- another star on my chart!

Ten Steps to Self Discipline

Acknowledge the need to become more disciplined in how you live your life. Crack through any denial operating about your out-of-control behavior. Make the distinction between discipline and punishment---discipline is and act of love. Deal with the emotions of rebelliousness.

Seek inspiration. Most of the world's great leaders and performers have had great personal discipline. Who are your heroes? Hang up their pictures---let their excellence call you forward to realize your own aims.

Decide to become disciplined. Choose an area where there is a crying need, and state your will to make change, with the help of your Higher Self. Say it aloud as a statement of your spiritual will: "I will become clean and organized." "I will become honest with myself and others." "I will finish what I start." "I will take the time to cook a good meal."

Enlist Support. Choose new friends who demonstrate personal discipline and learn from them. Tell your current friends and family that you are making some difficult changes and that you want their support for your efforts. Talk to you Higher Self about it often.

Release feelings of hopelessness. Hopelessness will come up when you try to change long-standing patterns. Feel it, cry or rage about it, but don't believe it any more. Keep moving.

Stay on track. Remind yourself every morning what your discipline is, and that it isn't optional. Do it. Post a copy of your will statement where you can see it. At night, review the day. Did you do what you need to do today to produce long-term happiness? Check in with a friend about it at least once a week.

Acknowledge Your Progress. Celebrate glimpses of health and accomplishment in your chosen area of discipline.

Persist, Persist, Persist. Acquire a taste for repetition and good habits.

Stabilize in your new mode. Give yourself time to get used to new behaviors, and remember that they're still new. It can take years to stabilize, but its worth it in the long term.

Be Vigilant! Notice if you are relaxing your practices, and notice what happens to you and your life when you do. Remember the power of repetition. Try not to be compulsive or rigid, but remember that too much relaxation isn't a treat for you---it is self-abandonment.

"What is the greatest obstacle to spiritual growth? Laziness..."
- Shankaracharya